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wondering if there is anyone here against enforcing the law against domestic violence...as a last resort.....in my mind...before the law, there are other things...

1... the love and mutual understanding of the couple for the lifelong happiness of the other party..if this is too difficult, try 2..
2... negotiation and compromise between the two partners that have a common interest...if this has failed..try 3
3... find a marriage counselor and start leveraging professionals to save the marriage..if this has failed, try 4
4... for the sake of children, find a common ground during the separation process...make it as peaceful and fair as it can be..with the off spring's interest at heart....if this has failed...try 5
5... court..by leveraging the full force of the law... you become someone i used to know...

in any of the phases...if one party feels he/she is in immediate danger of demostic violence that will cause physical harm to any party involved...call 911...
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  • 中国几个著名的家暴故事和结局,没有法律的保护和介入,请大家看看什么人容易被家暴,被家暴的对象是如何互相转换的.
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛香菱

    香菱在《红楼梦》是非常重要的一个人,也因姨妈看着香菱模样儿好,还是末则,温柔安静,差不多的主子姑娘也跟他不上呢。明堂正道的与薛蟠作亲。
      这比袭人平儿她们的身份总要高一点。但香菱的境遇非常的不堪,成为一个被虐待的小丫头了。
    薛蟠和宝蟾在香菱房中去成亲,命香菱过来陪自己先睡。先是香菱不肯。金桂说,他嫌脏了,再必是图安逸,怕夜间劳动伏侍。……薛蟠……忙又赶来骂香菱“不识抬举,再不睡,就要打了”。香菱无奈,只得抱了铺盖来。金桂命他在地下铺睡。香菱无奈,只得依命。刚睡下便叫倒茶,一时又叫捶腿,如是一夜七八次,总不使其安逸稳卧片时
    香菱一忍再忍,但逃脱不了“自从两地生孤木,致使香魂返故乡”

    夏金桂

    同样嫁给一个丈夫, 薛蟠对夏金桂就完全不同, 夏金桂,出身在经营桂花的豪商之家,娇惯太过,竟将她养成了盗跖的性气,爱自己尊若菩萨,窥他人秽如粪土。
    夏金桂嫁到薛家后,见薛蟠气质刚硬,身旁又有香菱这样一个才貌俱全的爱妾,顿起狠毒之意。薛蟠被她压服后,她又开始百般折磨香菱,并蛮横地将香菱的名字改为秋菱.再调唆薛蟠处治香菱,薛姨妈来解劝,她就隔窗叫喊拌嘴,将薛家搅得无一日安宁。
    于是被家暴的对象就立马掉换成薛蟠.夏金桂跋扈骄悍,薛蟠也被她逼得躲出家门,之后,她还公然勾引薛蝌,根本不把霸王薛蟠放在眼里.
    这里看官要说了, 夏金桂是妻, 香菱是妾.出身也不同,那再看看这一位,名门闺秀还是正妻:

    迎春

    迎春自幼生性懦弱,至七十九回写她由父亲作主嫁与极不堪的纨绔子弟孙绍祖,受尽折磨。根据迎春的判词“金闺花柳质,一载赴黄粱”,她应是嫁后不久即死.

    当然,男女平等,男人也会被家暴, 薛蟠可能是报应,一物降一物,但这位先生就是活脱脱的男版胡MM:

    《马介甫》中的杨万石非常的精彩.

    杨万石,河北大名县的学生,”。妻尹氏,奇悍,少迕之,辄以鞭挞从事。杨父年六十余而鳏,尹以齿奴隶数。杨与弟万钟常窃饵翁,不敢令妇知。然衣败絮,恐贻讪笑,不令见客。万石四十无子,纳妾王,旦夕不敢通一语。

    后来杨万石在马介甫的帮助下服了"丈夫再造丸"暂时制服尹氏.但好景不长, 懦弱的本性使他对尹氏全盘交代细节,这下更遭了, 尹氏说:欲得我恕,须以刀画汝心头如干数,此恨始消。”说完起身去找厨刀,杨万石吓的落荒而逃。杨万钟只顾以身护卫哥哥。尹氏开始破口大骂,这时杨父循声而来,尹氏看到公公身上穿的新衣服,气焰愈发烈怒,跑过去把杨父的袍服割成一条一条的,冲着公公就是一顿耳光边打边拔去嘴上的胡须。杨万钟恼怒成羞抓起石头朝尹氏砸去,击中了头部,尹氏倒地而亡。杨万钟说:“我以我的死换来哥哥的生,不觉遗憾了!”说完投井自杀。过了一会,尹氏苏醒了过来,听说杨万钟死了,心里的怒气也跟着消了。....

    之后的反复我就不提了,大家再看看结局,下面家暴的对象互相转换了.

    由此乡人皆不齿万石。学使案临,以劣行黜名。四五年后,杨家遭遇一场火灾,于是家产渐尽,至无居庐。临近的村子都引以为戒,不给施舍,尹氏的兄弟不齿姊妹所为也拒绝施以援助。杨万石穷困潦倒,尹氏不肯跟他,吵着闹着要改嫁。适有屠而鳏者,以钱三百货去。
    话说尹氏嫁给屠户,又和以前一样狂妄彪悍。屠夫怒火中烧,以屠刀孔其股,穿以毛绠悬梁上,荷肉竟出。号极声嘶,邻人始知。解缚抽绠,一抽则呼痛之声,震动四邻。以是见屠来,则骨毛皆竖。后胫创虽愈,而断芒遗肉内,终不利于行,犹夙夜服役,无敢少懈。屠既横暴,每醉归,则挞詈不情,昔日里自己怎样对待杨家就像屠夫现在怎样对待自己一样
    尹氏觉得羞恨难当,回到家中上吊自杀,可是绳子断了没有死成。屠夫越加的厌恶她。

    实在让人难以容忍的是:

    岁余,屠户死了。尹氏在途中遇到了杨万石,老远的看着他,用膝盖跪行来到他的身边,泪如雨下。杨万石碍于身边的仆人,没有说一句话。回府中告诉了喜儿,想把尹氏接回来。因为侄儿不同意,但"万石犹时就尹废寺中"同她温存.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • 这几个故事看来符合中国国情的处理家暴方式之一是牺牲自己,施暴者一定会有更暴的人来制服他(她)
      • 从"丈夫再造丸"的说法来看,外界的帮助只能起一时的作用.被家暴者最需要的自我意识的提高.马介莆的做法同蜜瓜没两样:1.外在帮助,好比现在的法律援助,2.内心的帮助,就象马介莆用言语鼓励刺激杨万石.逼他一该儒弱本性,奋起反抗.
    • wondering if there is anyone here against enforcing the law against domestic violence...as a last resort.....in my mind...before the law, there are other things...
      1... the love and mutual understanding of the couple for the lifelong happiness of the other party..if this is too difficult, try 2..
      2... negotiation and compromise between the two partners that have a common interest...if this has failed..try 3
      3... find a marriage counselor and start leveraging professionals to save the marriage..if this has failed, try 4
      4... for the sake of children, find a common ground during the separation process...make it as peaceful and fair as it can be..with the off spring's interest at heart....if this has failed...try 5
      5... court..by leveraging the full force of the law... you become someone i used to know...

      in any of the phases...if one party feels he/she is in immediate danger of demostic violence that will cause physical harm to any party involved...call 911...
      • 我想所有被家暴的都会TRY你说的方式,只要心智正常,没有谁不懂这些基本的步骤吧.一对好好的夫妻,会突然一下跨越到打911的那步吗?而且是被蜜瓜怂恿之后?如果我没记错,前几天的女受害者还特地感谢蜜瓜.
        • 就在你们把所有的反对声音都封闭后,还有人据理力争,为蜜瓜说话.难道你们容得了施暴者,却容不下一个反对施暴者的声音?---如果是针对蜜瓜,应该把支持和反对蜜瓜的双方ID都封闭才公平.这样大家都一起反思,是不是有更好的沟通方式.
    • 如果我突然不说话了,一定被暗箱操作了.